Season Talk

I was just noticing that it's been more relaxed here in the last couple of weeks. Not as rushed. Not as go-go-go. There has been time to just sit on the couch and read the paper or a book. Time to just browse internet and read blogs. Time to do housework and keep the house clean and neat. Time to just be.

Now that I've said it though, it seems that that's what I've always done anyways. Maybe the shift is in myself. Learning to take things as they come, and to not have this expectation to rush through tasks and pass life by.

I feel some breeze coming through the windows. Today was a scorcher. I'm realizing that I'm definitely not a summer person. I don't like being sticky. More than a couple times, I seriously contemplated running from the end of my bedroom which is on the 2nd floor of the house, jumping out the window and diving into my neighbor's big blue pool that's sitting invitingly in their backyard. Don't get me wrong; summer is great. I love the extended days, the feeling that you can accomplish everything in your day. I love the iced teas and sundaes and the fresh produce. But fall is still my favorite season. It always will be. So until then, I'll try to stay cool and not sweat it. :)

Just got home from the Aquatic Centre. I had such a great time tonight. Attended the Aquafit class with my friend V. I can't believe how much fun I had! Will definitely go back again. What a great way to start the week!

Well, actually I didn't feel that way this morning. Scheduled to start work at 9am. i set my alarm for 7:45am. I woke up, snoozed it once, then turned it off, telling myself I would get up in a few moments. Guess what? I didn't. I woke up at 8:15am! I don't know how I did it, but I managed to be out of the house by 8:40am. That included packing, and cleaning up my room. Got to work 10 minutes late. Not too bad actually. Good thing traffic wasn't horrible. Sigh. When will I ever learn? No snoozing!!! Something I definitely need to work on.

Had a great weekend. Spent Saturday at home with family. I felt a pull to be at home, what with the news of my aunt last week. We found out last week that my aunt in the Philippines had a mild stroke and had to be admitted to the hospital. With her current condition (Stage IV cancer), the prognosis is not good. They found new mets in her liver, to add to the posse of mets that have invaded her brain, lungs, and bone. It was such a bummer for the whole family. She and one of her daughters, and one of her sisters were supposed to come here for a visit. We were gonna do the cruise all together, including my mom and dad, and another aunt who's here. It was going to be a blast. But God has other plans. My mom and aunt are going there instead. Sis #3 might go as well. Same with my dad. Sis #2 and hubby were at my parents' as well on Saturday. I played the singer in our rock band group. :) It was so much fun...

Yesterday after church, we headed to Richmond for some dimsum which I had been craving. Afterwards, we spent hours inside Costco. I got some glucosamine. I started taking them yesterday. I hope it works..... I pray it works, in addition to exercise and prayers. My mom got this set of pots and pans that were ceramic titanium. There was a man doing demos. My mom was sold. For $550 for a set of 10 (I think), it better be good! I believe she proceeded to trial them out last night. So far so good.

We headed to Aberdeen Centre afterwards. Had some frappe bliss :) and iced lemon tea. Danni worked on her homework while we sat there. Of course I had to go to Daiso and get some notebooks. :) I swear, I'm obsessed with notebooks. Their selection seems to have waned since I last went there. There are now only 2 aisles of notebooks. Even after I'd finished perusing, I found myself going back to peruse some more. Sigh. Went home with some more notebooks. :)

All in all a very busy weekend. Busy but good. Got lots of family time. Made lots of deposit into the emotional bank accounts of my sisters. Spoke with Sis #2 on the phone too last night. I needed it. It came at the perfect time. Somehow, words/things keep coming at just the right time, almost as if someone had set it all up...

Peace and Quiet

I spent an hour weeding my front lawn tonight. Felt great! I think I may be sore tomorrow though. Bending in unusual poses and moves. It took my mind off things. I felt better afterwards. Decided to treat myself to a bowl of peaches + ice cream. Sat on the couch and just enjoyed my treat. Savored the peace and quiet. Mind you though, peace and quiet is pretty much the norm around here, which is what you can expect when you live by yourself. Thought of him as I sat there. How many times had we sat there, sharing ice cream or some other treat? Talking about our days, our plans, how we made each other happy. What changed? When did we stop making each other happy? Why is it that people give up so easily? I'm a little disappointed. I'm back to this place again. Sigh. Back to this lonely feeling. Back to all these questions. Back to memories of him and me.

Called my mom up tonight just to check in. Read this this morning, and just couldn't stop smiling and chuckling to myself. What an entertaining read.

Listening to: Kelly Clarkson - The last song, If No One Will Listen, is my fave.
Reading: Jann Arden
Enjoying: this

It's Monday night.

Seriously, where does the time go? Before you know it, summer will be over already. I've been feeling behind, just trying to catch up with things. But I wonder, are these things really worth the effort, the stress, the worry? For example, weeding and ironing. My lawn doesn't look that bad really. There's just a couple of weeds that I want to pull out. I have been waiting for a block of time when I can do the whole lawn - front and back. But maybe I should just take 2 minutes to pull out the 2 big ones that are really bugging me. Done, decided. That's what I'll do tomorrow. Ironing. I have 5 shirts I need to iron. That's not a lot. I could probably wait another week. The thing is, those 5 shirts have been waiting to be ironed for more than a couple weeks now. Plus, I don't really own a lot of shirts that need to be ironed. Chances are, the 5 shirts that have been patiently waiting to be ironed are the only 5 shirts I own that need to be ironed! It's decided then. I will iron those 5 shirts tomorrow and get them off my back.

Feeling a little heavy hearted today. I got my aunt's bone scans and CT reports. They don't look good. She's supposed to come and visit us in a couple of weeks. But I don't know if her doctors will let her. Six months, that's what the doctors said. What can you do in six months? It seems so short. I think of the past 6 months. What did I accomplish? Not much really. Nothing stands out in terms of accomplishments. I learned lots though. I learned how important it is to have good relations with friends and family. They are the ones you'll fall back on after a break-up. I learned that no matter how much you want something to work, it takes two to tango. I learned that core differences cannot be ignored; they will always surface. I learned that there are 5 love languages, and that quality time is my love language. I learned that it's okay to be single. I learned that God is in the midst of all our pain, and that we can find comfort in Him. I learned that career was not my priority, when I always thought that it was. I learned that I crave something deeper, something more lasting than accomplishments and awards and letters to my name. I learned that I can mow the lawn by myself. :) I learned that I can be a source of encouragement for other people.

I can't remember shedding as much tears as I did than the past 6 months. So much hurt and pain. But God has used this time to show me Himself. For that, I am grateful.

I wanted to share a photo of me and sis #4 that's making me so happy before I sign off.

Last night I drove home to my parents' for some good yummy dinner (surprisingly! Because it seems that every time I go home to my parents', they don't have any food, but my mom is actually a very excellent cook.) and fun + games with my sisters. Somehow, my dad dug up an old combination lock that nobody knew what the combination was. All 4 of us girls tried different methods, namely relying on one's faulty memory, listening to the lock, and finally resorting to Google and youtube. I just can't imagine life without internet. All that knowledge just out there and within reach in milliseconds. Amazing.

Anyway, we managed to find a couple of sites and videos. But alas, by midnight, we weren't any closer. Oh, I forgot to mention that while we were all trying different combos for that one lock, one of my sisters remembered that she has a Dudley lock. She was bragging about how she didn't have to know the code; her fingers would just know it when she opens the lock. Guess what, she couldn't open her combo lock, which she had just stopped using since school was out -- a month ago!

By midnight, we decided to call it quits. We were all so frustrated, trying to understand the directions from the forum we found online, and listing down numbers. This morning, sis #1 decided to use the listen method and lo and behold! It actually worked! She cracked one of the locks open. After that, sis #4 and I got a boost of energy to try with her lock. So we tried a different method that somebody offered and we ended up with 10 different numbers. As you know, a Dudley requires 3 numbers. That meant there were possibly 1000 combinations. We were determined. Sis#1 started listing the combos on Excel while I dictated the combos. Sis #4 tried the combos as we went along. I noted down the time we started: 10:47 am. Sis #1 had to leave so it was just sis #4 and me. I had to leave for a few minutes as well. I came back, she was still plugging along. Gotta give her persistence, that girl. We traded spots; she started typing and I started trying the combos. On our 155th try, we got it. You can just imagine the huge smiles on our faces. Finally! The time? 11:33am. Almost an hour. Not counting the hours we spent on it last night. Needless to say, she wrote down the combo and kept it somewhere safe with the lock.

On a different note, I am getting ready to submit my entries into Cocoa Daisy's Design Team call. Got my layouts in and all I need to do right now is take pictures of an album I made and submit it for the project requirement.

Tomorrow, I'm watching HP with sis #1 and 4. It should be fun. Looking forward to it! I am definitely enjoying summer and the longer days. Even with the extended hours, it seems that time just flies by! K, should get going now.

Today

Where does the time go?
0730-0745 Wake up, read Bible
0745-0830 Shower, get ready for work
0830-0845 Breakfast
0900-1700 Work
1701-1745 Chat with a co-worker
1746-1800 Drive home
1800-1820 Unwind
1820-1900 Exercise
1901-1920 Facebook, check e
1921-2005 Dinner, pack lunch for tomorrow, wash dishes
2006-2015 Fold laundry, put them away
2016-2050 mytype on FB, as per Danni's request
2051-2110 watched some MJ videos on youtube

Hello Monday

A new week. A new start. I had the whole weekend off, which was wonderful, as I haven't had a whole weekend off in a while. I spent Saturday making cards. Last week, I was into the color orange. All the cards I made were orange. On Saturday, turquoise and green were my picks. I'm still in the card mode, and I just found out about Hero Arts' contest so I'm definitely gonna play around in the studio again. :)

I also watched Inkheart with my sisters. The movie was interesting. The whole idea of the movie/book was captivating but I found that I was very removed from the movie. I didn't feel taken in. I wonder if the book is better? There, I just put in a request to the library. :) I love having this library system! I absolutely adore it.

Right now, I am reading this and am enjoying it immensely. On my bookshelf too is this.

I'm feeling very positive and at peace. I had a chance to chat with rc yesterday and it was good closure for me. Finally, it felt like closing a book I had finished reading. There were tears and emotions last night, lots of 'em, but that was it. It was goodbye for good. And I'm ready to start yet another chapter...

He asked me: What had you been busy with the past year? A look of disbelief in his face.

I felt so little. So useless. Such a sloth. Nothing accomplished. Nothing learned. Nothing gained. While he accomplished innumerable things. Read numerous pages of journals and articles. Wrote hundreds of reports and clinical notes. Presented various reports. Finished a research project and drafted a manuscript. All in one year.

And I groped for words. I racked my brain, thinking of the past year. What did I accomplish? What had I been busy with? He said that I always seemed to be busy doing something. But where was the final product? What was the ultimate goal? Then he suggested an answer, before I could say 'I don't know.' Was it getting settled at the house? And I said yes, even though I knew that wasn't it. That wasn't all.

That was over 2 months ago. And this morning, I thought about it. What had kept me busy? I was busy trying to please him. I was busy waiting. Waiting for him to be ready, waiting for him to be done his program, waiting for him to tell the world about us, waiting for him to let me in his world completely and not just in a room in his heart. When I let him in my house, I let him in my whole heart, not just a room. That's what I had been busy with the past year. Waiting. And even when I found out that I would have to wait longer than I originally thought, I kept waiting. How dumb was that? A whole year wasted away. A few weeks ago I would have cried and felt sorry for myself. But He has opened my eyes to see that He let me fall so that I could experience this understanding. That I am better off without him. That He has bigger plans for me. Other plans that do not involve marriage with him. I know that I'm in good hands.

I'm home. I have to say, I love the feeling I get when I step in the house. Home sweet home. Usually, I have bags of groceries and goodies, clothes, and my purse in hands. Often, I have to make a few trips from the car to the house. Which is okay. I love it! As soon as I step in, I see the clothes hanging in the laundry room. I made a mental note to add fold clothes in my list of stuff to do for the day. And off I go. Unpacking things. Putting them in the proper places, the fridge, the cupboard, the pantry, the fruit bowl. My purse to the office. My change of clothes either to the laundry room or upstairs. And here I am. I feel so blessed to have all these good things around me. That I am not wanting. This feeling of abundance. What are you thankful for today?

Vacation Week

Not sleepy yet. Had a couple of naps today. Home now. Home in Coquitlam. Feet tired and achy. Off shift from SDM. Grand opening today (after the reno). Not too busy. Not too many crazy peeps today. Just the usual amount. :)

Why didn't I bring my journal/notebook? I had been bringing it with me faithfully every week. I hadn't been writing. So I figured I wouldn't need it. But of course I do.

This was my vacation week -- the week I had looked forward to the past 4 months. The week I was gonna drive down the Oregon Coast with rc and spend some quality time together. To celebrate. To unwind. Sigh. But that's not how it panned out. I started missing him again. Earlier this week. Missed having someone to chat with at the end of the day. Missed having someone to call my babe, my honey. So I guess it's not really him that I miss. It's having him.

Thursday night, when the emotions were more acute, God spoke to me through a book that I purchased at church a few weeks ago. Sis #1 wanted to read it so I left it here. The words I read were the words my soul needed to hear. He did that so many times this week. Letting me know of His presence. That He has plans for me. Far greater than a life with rc. That I am loved -- far greater than rc could ever love me. Or that I could expect or hope for. He is definitely in my life. I feel His presence. I have resumed reading the Bible. :) Still aiming for finishing 5 books before I turn 29. Looks very doable right now. :) I feel a thirst and hunger to read the Bible. Something I have never felt before.

So my vacation week was supposed to be a week of housework. Well, it didn't happen that way. MA came to see me on Monday. Lunch out then went karaoke-ing with her. :) Indian food for dinner then she stayed over. We talked about stuff. Issues that she has. I think I made her think about things. The next I day I took her to Surrey to head to the US border. Then went on to do my stuff. I was very productive that day and I was so proud of myself! :) Canadian Tire to get my weeder (which I plan to play with next week). RMH to make an appointment with SY. Michael's to buy my canvas (project up ahead :)), Save-On to return my recyclables, then to the acupuncturist. Afterwards, picked up Sis #5 from Coquitlam and also had lunch there. Then off to Old Navy to use a coupon for $75 off $100! I got some yoga pants that are totally hot! :) And sis got tank tops. We were both very happy with our purchases. :) Then to RMH again to chat with SY. After that, home at PM then we headed to the theater to watch My Sister's Keeper where I cried buckets of tears throughout the whole movie! We had dinner at Sango afterwards. :)

It was so fun to have danni around at the house. :) We had ice cream and played computer games. There were times when it reminded me of having rc at the house. But for the most part, I just enjoyed her company. She says she had a great time too. :) The next day, we took the new Golden Ears bridge to watch Transformers on iMax at the Colossus Theater. Lunch at The Old Spaghetti Factory. Then home to Coquitlam.

Thursday, I spent the day watching movies: Bride Wars, Rachel Getting Married, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, The Promotion. Picked up Dan from school then had sushi with her and dad. Friday, went to PM with mom. Vacuumed, did laundry and filed my June stuff away while she cleaned my kitchen. :) Picked up Sock then went home. Watched yet another movie -- The Mummy Part 3.