10 Things

Chances...
I've been listening to Five for Fighting's latest album Slice. The singer is one of my all-time faves. Chances Are is one of my faves from that album.

Watched Brothers and Sisters last night. Cried at the part where Sarah and Kitty are talking. Today I watched Dear John and cried at the part where John reads his letter to his dad while his dad is in the hospital. As I tend to be a tv bum when I'm at my parents, I watched The Prince of Tides as well after Dear John. Cried again. At the part where Savannah tells Tom she dedicated her newest book of poems to him, her brother. Putting things in perspective for me seeing my own bro here for a visit. It's so good to see him. Just like the old times. And I wish he would stay here and not have to go back. Also makes me wish things could go back to what it was before. Me back home. Jaja back home too. But I guess this is life. People grow up and move on.

Growing up......I turned 30 back in August. Unbelievable. Where did all the time go?

I saw him yesterday at work. He was the evening guy after me. Shocked when I saw his name on the schedule in the morning. We made small talk. Passed on need-to-know info. And then I walked away. Afterwards, I felt like I could have been more....engaging, more open, asked more questions. I didn't ask him a single question about his life. I think it was just a defense mechanism. The less I know, the better for me. Thoughts of him crept up on me this week. And to see him yesterday... I try to shake the thoughts away. Even if it didn't end then, it would have later. We never would have worked stuff out between us. It's just the way it is.

I just finished a rotation on Friday. I was with 2 other residents. Being with them made me acutely aware of how guarded and unsure I am. When asked a question, I never answer first. I always falter. I'm always unsure. I hate that about myself.

Went driving with Dan today. She just got her learner's. I was nervous and scared. So was she. I've never been in that seat. Again a reminder of people growing up...

Feeling inspired to start my December Daily. Will make time this week. This week is also deadline for the grant I'm applying for, so it's work-work-work for me. But hopefully I'll have some play time later this week.

Seriously considering getting a digital reader.

Currently reading Lost Women of the Bible.

Feeling thankful for family and friends.....

I remember:

...chocolate-covered strawberries

...walking in the rain without an umbrella

...having Baskin and Robbins,

and then realizing we had just enough fare money to get home

...FX and jeep rides

...chicken, shrooms, and chicken at TGIF

...poetry and prose

...Mulan and Shang

...angels

...being lifted and carried away in a museum

...a kiss at the gas station

...and tulips,

I remember tulips.

I didn't finish the previous post; I had to leave right away.

Anyway, last night I went to see Smitty in concert at Broadway Church with a friend. She was with a bunch of her friends so I got to meet them. I had a really good time at the concert. The opening band was called Down Here. I enjoyed their songs, and their Canadians to boot! I danced and sang at the concert, jumped up and down, worshipped, and cried. It was emotional for me. I had been feeling far away from Him for the past week. I didn't really know how to bridge the gap. I was ashamed, disappointed at myself, embarrassed at my weakness. But you know what, all roads lead to Him. I may fall and stumble a thousand times, but His grace will always be there. That's what's amazing. That's what's so incredible. That's what's humbling.

Tonight, I saw a dentist to look at the possibility of getting braces. Oh, which reminds me, I need to look up this appliance that she wants to use on me. I have never had a professional see me in that short amount of time. She probably spent, I don't know, all of 4 minutes with me, and then she left. It was like she couldn't wait to get out of there. She wouldn't even let me ask questions. I didn't feel very cared for as a patient. And to think I'm only a potential patient, how then does she treat real patients? Her CDA was really nice though, and spent time answering my questions. I would have liked the answers to have come from the dentist though. She's the one I'm paying. I wasn't very impressed at the care I received. I don't think I will see her.

Anyway, off to bed now. It's 10:30. I'm really trying to hard to be in bed by 11pm, and trying hard to not snooze so many times in the morning. Good luck to me.

It's Monday night, but it feels like Sunday to me. I had the weekend and today off. I'm just getting ready for bed. Thought I'd feed my employees on rc first before I call it a night. I had a very enjoyable day today. Went for a swim at the aquatic center. Boy, I was out of form. I kept getting out of breath. My legs cramped so often. I couldn't swim one length without stopping. I ended up getting myself some flippers. That was so much fun!

After swimming, I headed to the library and got some magazines. I read for a bit in the afternoon, then headed to the computer to work on a photo book. That was a frustrating story. See I made this photo book online for my aunt and uncle. It took me days to complete it. I spent hours and hours on it. When I was finally ready to have it printed, I was told that they had problems with their server and thus, lost the designs and photos that I had uploaded. What a bummer. So now I have to redo the whole photo book. So I did that for a couple of hours, but their site started going wonky, so I stopped. I hope it's just a one-off. I hope it doesn't mean I have to redo it all again. I would be really mad.

Just came home from another TM meeting. Cupcakes - success. Speech - success. Induction - success. I left the meeting with high spirits. Six months ago in October, I started attending a club for the sake of getting out of the house and meeting people. A way to get out of myself and my own mind. A way to distract myself from unwanted thoughts. Since then, I have started doing other things too. I started taking swimming lessons. I plan to continue swimming once a week. I have been nominated to take on the role of either secretary or sergeant-at-arms of the club. I am leaning towards the secretary position. It's comfortable. It's doable. The sergeant-at-arms role though, is a little bit uncomfortable. I sense some stretching happening there. I'm not sure how much time it would entail. Now that I'm starting the program in June, time is going to be a rare commodity. But then again, maybe that will force me to be more effective, and to use my time more wisely. Election is next week, so I need to give my answer by next week.

Excerpt from my speech tonight:

Nowadays when I swim, I no longer see the bandaids and hair ties that lie on the floor. Instead, I see the clarity of the blue water that envelopes me. Nowadays when I swim, I no longer hear the squeals of children or the yells of teens playing ball in the water. Instead, I hear quiet as I count in my head. Nowadays when I swim, I no longer feel the hustle and bustle of people splashing water all around me. Instead, I feel the solitude that being under water gives me.

I'm signing off now. Time to get ready for bed. See you soon.

I have always written. Ever since I was a kid, I liked the act of writing. My teenage years provided the perfect backdrop for inspiration for poetry, short stories, and musings. All that angst. I have always kept a journal. Even in my adult years, I have found its company soothing -- a safe haven that's my own. I haven't written in a while. I would say ever since I stopped blogging. Out of curiosity, I came here, and checked on past posts. What a delightful surprise -- seeing the change, where I was, to where I am now. What gift. Again, perfect timing. It never fails to amaze me.

When I wrote last time, I said that I would post my List. Well, here it is:
29 Things Before I Turn 30
1. Submit research paper. - done 15/9 :)
2. Apply to residency program. - 16/10 :)
3. Read 10 chapters in Koda Kimble.
4. Finish 3 modules (HTN, Dyslipidemia, Metabolic Syndrome). - done Feb 2010 :)
5. Learn 1st aid, CPR. - 3/10 :)
6. Finish Europe album.
7. Finish Alaska album.
8. Make 25 LO's.
9. Join church small group.
10. Read the Bible in a year.
11. Be baptized.
12. Swim once a week. - Jan 2010 - present :) :)
13. Join Toastmasters - Oct 2009 :)
14. Join Mensa.
15. Make canvas for wall.
16. Paint table.
17. Hang frames in house.
18. Watch Mary Poppins.
19. Travel.
20. Read 15 books.
21. Read 1 classic --> Great Expectations.
22. Make a budget. - Feb 2010 :)
23. Get back into the exercise habit.
24. Make a will.
25. Experience being drunk.
26. Finish CC manual.
27. Finish CL manual.
28. Give a nursing inservice.
29. Memorize 5 Bible verses.

Back

I'm back. Back to everyday life. Also back to blogging. I took some time off away from here. I just couldn't be bothered to sit down and compose my thoughts into something intelligible. Everything has just been a mish mash of sorts...

Coming back from a week-long cruise is giving me some energy + focus though. Plus the fact that it's September and I can feel fall in the air. :) Speaking of the cruise, it was a great adventure! I want to go on another one next year. It was pure fun, sitting around + eating + just letting things be. I really enjoyed this trip. Every time I go on a trip, it's usually go-go-go. Itineraries packed to the brim. But cruising is a totally different way of traveling. Will definitely look into going on another one...:) What a great way to celebrate my birthday. Well, technically I had my birthday before I left for the trip, but I always said that I'd celebrate my day on the ship. Since Sis #4's birthday is 5 days after mine, we've often celebrated them at the same time. I have a video of when I had my 16th, and her 2nd, at Jollibee. Fun times. Anyway, this year, we got cake and were sung to by the whole dinner restaurant and staff. It was special.

First day back at work today. Swamped with emails and catching up with stuff. It feels good to be back though. Slowly getting into the groove of things. Looking forward to finishing up things I left hanging before my trip...

And since it's over, I'd like to post my list of things to do before turning 29. I made this list in early June, so my excuse for not accomplishing everything on this list is that I only had around 3 months to finish them instead of a full year. :) Will post my new list in the next day or so...

1. Submit research paper.
2. Finish my Europe album.
3. Travel. -done
4. Submit a LO for a challenge. -done
5. Submit a LO for a contest. -done
6. Submit a LO for a guest designer call. -done
7. Join a Bible/church group.
8. Get a wall mirror. -done
9. Bake something. -done
10. Organize my craft room. -done
11. Read 5 books of the Bible. -done
12. Swim once a week.
13. Paint table.
14. Watch a movie in the cinema. -done
15. Read chapter on UTI in Koda-Kimble.
16. Read chapter on Osteomyelitis in Koda-Kimble.
17. Hang frames in house.
18. Read 3 books. -done
19. Get a camera! -done
20. Walk across Golden Gate Bridge. -done
21. Watch Mary Poppins.
22. Learn to change my tires. -done
23. Start a blog. -done
24. Reconnect with old friends. -done
25. Visit Mary Ann. -done
26. Join Mensa.
27. Join Toastmasters.
28. Make something for my wall and hang it.